# 40 – Wasted Time – My Friday Jam

# 40 – Wasted Time – My Friday Jam

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I have loved this song for awhile, but has recently become a regular in my playlist…can’t get sick of it!  Enjoy!

 

Song by : Vance Joy You can listen to this song by clicking here!

Why
Why do you go wasting your time on me
You’re so beautiful now
There’s so much that’s left for you now
Oh yeah, babe

And why
Why do you go flashing those eyes at me
You know that I’m eager to please
I’ve always been eager to please
Oh yeah, babe

But I, I’ve got a lot to say
And I’m scared that you’re gonna slip away
And you, you’ve got this wide-eyed gaze
And a smile that you’ll carry through your days

Oh why
Oh why
It’s the easiest way
To know you’re alive
And the beauty you heard
I see her talking with her hands
Well I don’t think she knows
How she changed all my plans

Why
Why do you go wasting your youth on me
You’re so beautiful now
There’s so much time left for you now
Oh yeah, babe

Why
We look at the faces on your bedroom wall
Nobody’s perfect at all
Well, sometimes it makes you feel small
Oh yeah, babe

Well I, I’ve got a lot to say
And I’m scared that you’re gonna slip away
And you, you’ve got this wide-eyed gaze
And a smile that you’ll carry through your days

Oh why
Oh why
It’s the easiest way
To know you’re alive
And the beauty you heard
I see her talking with her hands
Well I don’t think she knows
How she changed all my plans

The things that I thought would last
Well they’re fading, they’re fading
The feelings I used to have
They’re changing, they’re changing

The things that I thought would last
Well they’re fading, they’re fading
The feelings I used to have
They’re changing, they’re changing, they’re changing now

They’re changing, they’re changing now
They’re changing, they’re changing now

Picture by: Lou Stejskal Lic: CC

~ K

What song gets you moving this week?

# 16 – Getting Back to Reality

# 16 – Getting Back to Reality

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As I return to work today from being on disability from my gallbladder surgery, I can’t help but think the last time I was out of work for an extended period of time is when my husband passed away.  It’s also kind of ironic that this morning I must have passed three BMW’s…all white…(which was his favorite car), all in a row.  So talking to out loud, I said “So you must be with me this morning” and “Did you see those crazy boys of ours horsing around at the bus stop…boy they really need you to wrestle with”.  I asked him to give me some extra strength to deal with the tough times and I miss him.

It’s been a long time since I have actually talked to him out loud.  His name gets mentioned a lot throughout the days.  The boys and I were discussing how D looks just like him and has his broad shoulders.  It makes them smile and my heartbreak at the same time.

A few weeks back I sent away to get some old camcorder films made into DVD’s….I CANNOT wait to get them back and have the boys watch their father.  Especially M, he can’t remember him and he tries so hard to recall those memories.  These movies will forever be treasured (and please let there be some decent footage too!)

I once had a friend tell me to make sure I get a wedding video because her daughter had suddenly passed away and she always has that to watch.  I did not get the video…I thought it was an extra expense and I hate the way I look on film.  Well now I wish I had that video so badly.  We didn’t have iPhones then for anyone else to have any video either (wow I feel really old saying that but really it wasn’t that long ago).  I recommend to anyone getting married….get the video.  It will be cherished by plenty of others besides just you…who cares how you look on film.  Also family pictures…my husband and I never got a chance to take a full family picture.  It was always on our “To Do” list.  Now I get family pictures done of me and my kids (even though I continue to hate being in pictures).  My photographer put it perfectly….they are not going to cherish the pictures of themselves when they get older, it will be the ones where you are also in them.

~ K

Picture by: Ales Kladnik Lic: CC

#9 Every Breath You Take

#9 Every Breath You Take

Dan and D at the Beach

Since you’ve gone I been lost without a trace

I dream at night I can only see your face

I look around but it’s you I can’t replace

I feel so cold and I long for your embrace

I keep crying baby, baby, please

(Song by: The Police)

I have dreams about Dan, but they are always the same….he comes back.  Nothing has changed in what happened in “our story”, but he comes back and I have to update him on everything that has changed in the last 4 years.  It usually starts the same, we are incredibly happy, missing each other, he can’t get over how the boys have grown….but it always goes back to a bad place…every single time.

I would love to have a dream where he talks to me.  Tells me something, gives me some type of message.  I have gone to see Mediums and he has “come through” each time.  Sometimes I believe…sometimes I don’t.  Are they just saying things to help me have peace and move on?  Is he really in the room with us giving her a message for me?  Honestly, I don’t know what to believe, except it brings me back 4 years ago and it’s painful.  I will now rely on finding those random pennies and days when every corner I turn I see a white BMW….he is with me.

Our wedding song was “I Could Not Ask for More”, well I think about it now….I could ask for more…a lot more.  Please don’t leave…and I mean that in so many ways.

~ K

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#4 Holidays and All of that In-Between

IMG_7130On the Eve of St. Patrick’s Day, the kids are bouncing with excitement that the Leprechaun will be making a visit to our house, while they are asleep, to cause mischief.  Trust me when I say this……this was NOT my idea.  Some teacher of D’s told him this story and now I have had to follow through each year.  So here I was after work, searching through a CVS looking for Lucky Charms, St Patrick’s Day anything, and gold chocolate coins.  When D got home from school, he must have spent an hour creating a “Leprechaun Trap” to catch him in the act!  This little a**hole is not causing chaos in my house….it’s currently in a decently clean state.  And why D printed a picture of his brothers face on the trap…is still a mystery to me.

I have a love hate relationship with holidays…any of them.  The magic that I see in my kids eyes make it all worth it.  If I did not have them, honestly I would not celebrate probably more than half that I do now.  It has been very hard to get excited about any holiday anymore.  It is painfully obvious when the whole family gets together, that I am there…alone.

The first Christmas we spent in our new home, it felt so strange setting up the gifts all by myself, taking a bite out of the cookie, making sure Santa drank his milk, and the reindeer got their special food we made them.  I also found some money left under Santa’s plate from D….”just in case”.  I know Dan would have gotten a kick out of that one!!  Waking up Christmas morning, was soooo extremely exciting for the kids!  As any kid, they couldn’t contain themselves and the size of their eyes grew when they saw the tree with all of the presents.  “It was worth it” I said to myself when only a few hours earlier I was finishing wrapping what seemed like a million presents and filling the stockings, cursing the whole way through.  When I finished and saw all the presents by the tree and lit so beautifully….I missed him…bad.

Parts of me get mad he’s not here.  How could you miss all these birthdays, holidays, school accomplishments, parent teacher conferences (those are up there with hurting the most actually).  I won’t know the answer….ever.  But please keep the signs coming…they mean more than you know!

Have a Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

~ K