#50 – #BetterPersonChallenge June 15

#50 – #BetterPersonChallenge June 15

Trust

Trust until you have a reason not to.

Trust is defined as a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.  I would like to break this down because so often we have walls, or there is “hear say”, or we have been burned so many times before.  It’s time to take a look at what the meaning of trust truly means to us and how it can make us hold less grudges and live a happy life if we just look at the world a little differently.

I hold trust way up high.  If I trust you with my story, then you have gained a ticket through my wall (yes, I have seemed to build some over the past few years myself).  So all of these tasks, I am working at along with you!

Reliability – How many times do you need to be let down before you finally decide that “you know what, this person cannot be trusted with this task”.  It doesn’t mean you cannot be friends or have to have a heated argument…it’s the exact opposite really!  Maybe what you are trying to depend on them for, is not something they are an expert in, or does not have as high of an importance as you have it.  Look to someone else who has the skills to put your trust in a reliable person.

Truth – This is a hard one for me.  What I want to say on paper is, “Why would this person lie to you?  Is there an underlying reason they are afraid to talk to you truthfully?”  But I have been burned and know what it feels like to have your trust broken.  So this too is on my list to at least  try to get better at understanding why truth is not being told.  It is also important to not get walked all over because YOU are trying to do the right thing and have a little thread of faith that this person is trustworthy, yet your experiences are telling you otherwise.

Ability – This is a good one.  I will use my children as an example.  They have completely different personalities.  I have learned to work best with them, find their strengths and abilities and focus on that.  One likes to clean and work on projects, the other has a great imagination and loves to create.  Sometimes you have to do this in the real adult world as well.  Maybe there is a task you are asking of someone and they are not doing it correctly and you are starting to lose trust that they will not get the task done timely and correctly.  Step back and maybe it’s just their skill set.  What are their strengths and go from there.

Strength – This is for you.  What I have discussed above – reliability, truth, and ability are all things you need to look inside of people before automatically not trusting them.  So don’t be so quick to judge because your “neighbor said so”.  If you get through these steps, and red flags are popping up everywhere, then maybe you need to decide, “Is this person really trustworthy?”  But also look inside yourself and think about your own strengths and abilities when interacting with other people.  This can make you understand more and be more open and TRUSTING before jumping the gun.

Picture by: Vic Lic: CC

Kristen

#49 – #MondayBlog June 13

#49 – #MondayBlog June 13

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So I missed my usual #WeekendCoffeeShare…booo…sorry guys!  Not like it’s anything new, but it’s just so hectic right now.  But I’m starting to think….I may be addicted to being busy..even if I occasionally complain about it.

I keep putting more and more on my plate…but I’m enjoying it…can’t explain it.  I’m working full-time, going to school part-time, trying to get a side hustle business going for some extra cash, and raising two boys.   I have decided…I just need to be busy!

Saying that, I am also learning how to effectively manage my time.  I was sitting at work today and felt like I kept starting a few things at the same time.  I had to stop myself and just make a list.  I do it at home, work is the next best place to practice this habit!

My lists help!  Sometimes I can make it through it all and sometimes I don’t.  I at least feel accomplished when I can cross things off.  I can stir myself up in such a tizzy sometimes, that I’m so stressed and I have time for nothing, but all I need to do is prioritize.  I can’t do everything at once.  I also outsource anything and everything I can.  Anything I can get delivered to me so I don’t have to walk into an actual store with my rugrats in tow….I’m there!  Sign me up!

That’s my PSA for the day 🙂

Father’s Day will soon be upon us and wondering how my kids are taking it so far.  I haven’t heard much from the big guy and I’m always torn on how much I should pry out of him without introducing new feelings when he’s been strolling along just fine.

My little guy has renamed it “Grandfather’s Day”, which I’m fine with as long as he’s happy.  He actually corrected me when I called it “Father’s Day”.  I will ensure they remember their father as well that day, but make sure they are enjoying their Grandfathers and Uncles as much as possible at the same time.

Well I hope your Monday has gone well….it’s almost over!

Picture by: john.schultz Lic: CC

Kristen

#48 – #Friday Jams – DMB

#48 – #Friday Jams – DMB

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In honor of me attending a Dave Matthew Band concert this week, I thought it would only be appropriate to play one of his songs.

I actually remember sitting in the car with my husband and telling him this song reminded me of us….

 

Enjoy!  TGIF!

Picture by: Matthew Straubmuller Lic: CC

Kristen

#47 – #BetterPersonChallenge June 8

#47 – #BetterPersonChallenge June 8

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5 Ways to Make Yourself Feel Better

I don’t know about you guys, but if I do something I really enjoy, It puts me in a good mood and which then reflects in my attitude towards others.  Doesn’t it make you feel good when you are walking and pass a complete stranger and they say hello just as friendly as if they knew you.  I want to be a “better me” so I can be better to others.

So…I sat thinking…what makes me happy or what do I really enjoy.  These may seem like little things, but for me it can definitely make or break my day.

  1. Drink coffee out of my favorite mug.

There’s just something about a cute mug that makes me happy!  I have way too many, but can never seem to pass one up at a store.  But making that fresh cup of coffee in the oh so cute mug can even make it taste better!

  1. Wear comfortable underware.

Maybe I’m just getting old, but seriously.  Sitting at my desk all day with a wedgie or a wire poking me in the side…makes me kinda grumpy.  Comfort is the name of my game!

  1. Take a break from your electronics.

I know, I know….it is seriously a habit at this point to constantly check my phone.  But you all have to admit…it’s kind of nice to be unconnected even just for a little while.

  1. Netflix and….Burrito (might be my new phrase…check it out)

Go to bed early to snuggle and watch your series addictions.  This is fun for me because I NEVER have control of the remote in my house.  Nickelodeon 24/7…help!

  1. Make your desk feel….home-y.

If you are going to be sitting at work more than you are at home, why not make it fun and inviting.  I have pictures, plants, cute pens and notebooks….okay maybe I am channeling my inner teenage self, but I don’t care….makes me happy!  Even my desk at home…it’s my favorite place to sit.  Which this is totally what I need to get school work done, etc.

 

So take a moment to think about the little things that will improve your mood.  You never know what another person is going through and being happy and friendly could possibly rub off on someone else today and make a difference.

#BetterPersonChallenge

Picture by: Moyen Brenn Lic: CC

Kristen

# 46 – #MondayBlog – Coping with a Loss from Suicide

# 46 – #MondayBlog – Coping with a Loss from Suicide

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“How you cope with a loved one that has died by suicide.”  This is a tough question because for one – I am so saddened that someone else had to go through what I had gone through, and two – I am definitely not an expert and I live day by day.  However, I tend to jump at the chance to help someone else or offer advice when needed…it’s therapy for me too!  (So trust me…ask away! And I am particulary thankful I received a request to write on this topic…so thank you!)

I lost my husband in 2011, almost 5 years ago….

It doesn’t get easier with time as many people say. Which I hate to say…but it’s something that just kind of sits there in your mind…no better…no worse.  You just learn how to cope.

I had two, practically babies, to raise and I think I just went into a mode where I had to worry about them and everything else that my husband left behind.  I don’t think I even worked on coping for the first few years.

It’s a very hard topic to understand and in the beginning and I would read a lot about suicide.  However, I stopped because then the blame game comes into play.  You read about the signs and then you think “Oh my god it was right in front of my face”, but it’s not your fault.  It’s not anyone’s fault.

One of the first things I did was go to therapy.  I just needed to talk about so many different topics.  Now I know, therapy is not for everyone, but it has and does help me a lot and I continue to go to this day.  It is just nice to talk to someone, who has no relation to the family or the issues and get their advice.  Sometimes I think I just sit there and blabber about nonsense, but it gets it off my shoulders and doesn’t add it to any of my friends or families shoulders.

I have also attended a conference they have once a year at a local community college that is for Suicide Survivors and at one point in the conference they break you out into groups by the person you have lost.  This was the first time I have spoken with other people that have also lost someone to suicide.  It was a very emotional experience; however, you almost develop a deep connection with people that were once strangers.  Support groups are also good because you see people at all different stages of grief and listen to how they cope with their feelings.  You finally have that “Me too!” moment with people that “get it”.

I have also participated in Out of the Darkness walks every year since Dan has passed away to raise money for research and education.  This is another place that, unfortunately, gets a larger and larger group each year, but it is also a way to connect with others who know exactly what you are feeling.

It’s not easy and there is no magic answer.  This year was a particularly hard year for me around November (when he passed) to about the beginning of this year.  I feel like life has settled down and I am finally dealing with the loss.  I don’t think I have yet to completely deal with the loss, but just always remember, one day at a time.

I think of him several times a day and that has never stopped and I don’t want it to either.  I guess it’s just how you start to look at the situation and how you need to move forward with your life.

I know I have only scratched the surface of this topic, but if there is anything you would like specifically answered or how to find resources to help deal with your loss, please reach out and I will offer whatever assistance I can.

I have a feeling there will be a Part 2….stay tuned.

Picture by: Ivan Friande Lic: CC

Kristen

# 45 – #WeekendCoffeeShare June 5

# 45 – #WeekendCoffeeShare June 5

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If we were having coffee…

I would give you one of my large 16oz coffee cups and tell you to get comfortable on my couch.  I feel like this has been a whirlwind week.  I probably say this every week, but really, I mean…it’s June for goodness sake!

One of my favorite things to do (besides drink coffee) is to drink coffee with one of my friends and just being able to relax, shoot the shit, and have no where I have to be…..ahhh sounds delightful doesn’t it??!!

One super exciting thing that happened yesterday is that I got to watch my brother-in-law propose to his girlfriend!  It was a lot of fun knowing a little secret and watching it unfold!  Congrats to this amazing couple…very happy for them and hope for nothing but the best in their future!

Other than that exciting news, this week was a flash.  I did not follow my usual laundry schedule, or any type of schedule for that matter.  That makes me a little crazy…I admit it.  I need my lists and to be able to cross things off to feel accomplished.  I have issues…I know.

So today, the first thing on my agenda, after my coffee of course, is to make a list of everything I would like to accomplish for today to get ready for work tomorrow.  I am already shuttering at the thought of Monday morning….ugh!

Enjoy your day, make your to do lists and be amazing!

This #WeekendCoffeeShare was also brought to you by Part-Time Monster.

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Kristen