I signed up to be a mother, always wanted to be a mother, didn’t go to school to learn how to be a mother, so how do I know that I really am doing a good job? I don’t get graded or monthly reviews. So really how do I know?
Today I attended both of my son’s “Mother’s Day Tea” at their school. All of it was amazingly adorable. The kids each got up and got to say why they love their mom. “She makes me happy” and “I would describe my mom in one word as cheerful”. Don’t get me wrong, I loved every second of watching both of my boys sing their Mother’s Day songs and be brave enough to get in front of a large classroom and speak on a microphone. They make me proud….extremely proud…everyday.
So what could possibly be my gripe? Why don’t I feel like the mother they are describing me as?
Something I get from many people that know my situation of being a single mom, is that they tell me “You are an amazing mom and are doing such a good job”.
While I appreciate the words and sometimes I really need to hear them…how do you even know this? You have never been to my house, you have never seen us outside of school, you may not have even met me in person. How do you actually know I am doing a good job?
I HOPE I am doing a good job (hey, they are alive right?!) and that’s pretty much my number one goal in life is to be the best mother I can be for my children. But some days, I lay in bed at night, and conversations run through my head. My god, I was such a bitch today! Why do I argue back with them when they are children? Why didn’t I just sit on the floor and play with them when all I really wanted to do is sit on the couch. Why did I yell so much today? If people knew this, would they still say I’m doing an excellent job?
I am NOT looking for extra pats on the back or to be called the World’s Best Mom. These are just my random thoughts that go through my head when people say these things to me that don’t really know me.
All I need and want is for my boys to think I’m the best mom in the world. They are the one’s that matter and really would know!
I love those little buggers that constantly keep me on my toes!!
I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day!