So M came home from school today all excited to show me the picture he drew. It was a big heart with a picture of Mom and Dad holding hands, as well as, himself and D. “Your picture is amazing! I love all the detail and everyone holding hands.”
What could I say?
What was running through my head was…my poor son you are missing having a father so bad and there is nothing I can do to bring him back for you or anyone else. My heart is just breaking for you so badly on the inside.
But you know what, this is our life. It abruptly changed with no warning or anyway for us to prepare for this. The fact of the matter is that this will never change and it will always be heartbreaking. It will be how we deal with these emotions, speak of memories of him, and telling them they look just like daddy.
I really don’t know what the future will bring with these discussions, nor am I prepared for it, to be honest. As much as I go over how to talk to my kids about death, speak to professionals on the topic… you never know the questions or statements that will come out of kids mouths or what’s going on in their head.
I am extremely thankful for the men my boys do have in their lives and I know they all try to chip in as much as they can. It’s appreciated more than I could ever explain. But there will always be a void in our lives and eventually we will come to realize that it will not destroy us. We can still live fulfilling lives together.
I told them when we moved into our new home….we are a team, we stick together, and we all love each other very much. This motto I am sticking to!