As I return to work today from being on disability from my gallbladder surgery, I can’t help but think the last time I was out of work for an extended period of time is when my husband passed away. It’s also kind of ironic that this morning I must have passed three BMW’s…all white…(which was his favorite car), all in a row. So talking to out loud, I said “So you must be with me this morning” and “Did you see those crazy boys of ours horsing around at the bus stop…boy they really need you to wrestle with”. I asked him to give me some extra strength to deal with the tough times and I miss him.
It’s been a long time since I have actually talked to him out loud. His name gets mentioned a lot throughout the days. The boys and I were discussing how D looks just like him and has his broad shoulders. It makes them smile and my heartbreak at the same time.
A few weeks back I sent away to get some old camcorder films made into DVD’s….I CANNOT wait to get them back and have the boys watch their father. Especially M, he can’t remember him and he tries so hard to recall those memories. These movies will forever be treasured (and please let there be some decent footage too!)
I once had a friend tell me to make sure I get a wedding video because her daughter had suddenly passed away and she always has that to watch. I did not get the video…I thought it was an extra expense and I hate the way I look on film. Well now I wish I had that video so badly. We didn’t have iPhones then for anyone else to have any video either (wow I feel really old saying that but really it wasn’t that long ago). I recommend to anyone getting married….get the video. It will be cherished by plenty of others besides just you…who cares how you look on film. Also family pictures…my husband and I never got a chance to take a full family picture. It was always on our “To Do” list. Now I get family pictures done of me and my kids (even though I continue to hate being in pictures). My photographer put it perfectly….they are not going to cherish the pictures of themselves when they get older, it will be the ones where you are also in them.