Probably one of the most difficult words for me to use (except to my kids – but sometimes that is even hard).
I try to figure out why saying this simple word is so hard for me and the best I can come up with is because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and I avoid confrontation like the plague. With my kids, I think it’s more guilt…I want them happy (not spoiled or entitled…but happy). But then I battle with, well what about what I want or need?
Since Dan has passed away, I took a solid stance that I would be strong, independent, don’t let anyone walk all over me, stick up for myself…. I have done most of that, I would say. I mean…I have to be this way… I have to take care of myself, I don’t have back-up. Sure I have family that help me a ton, but I don’t have that back-up of which a partner would provide.
But there are so many times someone has asked something of me and in my head I’m like “No, no, NOOO!” and what comes out of my mouth “Okay, sure!”. WTF! I want to smack myself sometimes. I scold myself and just get so mad that I am not standing up for myself. And there I am….bitter and resentful. Not the person I want to be or that anyone wants to be around!
So I continue to tell myself…be strong…say what you really want to…make yourself happy too. Hopefully I will be writing a blog on “Tips on How to Say No!” one day! But for now….WORK IN PROGRESS!
I also want to make a point that I’m not saying I should be saying “No” to everything. There are just some days where I need time for myself or to just do nothing but chill. I don’t want to run around all the time, especially on the not so great days. I read something online, “Be gentle with yourself”. Even though I need to take my own advice more often, I highly suggest this for people who have gone through something traumatic, heart breaking, etc. Your body and mind need a rest sometimes and as with me, I’ve always been go, go, go.
So, stop and just remove the world from your shoulders…even if it’s just for 5 minutes when you are hiding in the bathroom, with the peaceful music on, just loud enough so you can’t hear what’s going on outside that door….just sayin’.