#6 Stuck on Replay

#6 Stuck on Replay

Picture By: Andrew Malone
Do you ever feel like you are constantly reliving a situation over and over in your head…no matter what the situation may be.  It’s like listening to an old cassette tape (remember those).  Click, Play, Click, Pause, Click, Play….that’s how I feel some days.  It has taken me a while to feel that losing my husband was something that really happened.  I used to keep track of what changes I have made since he was gone so when he came back, I could let him know exactly where or how everything is now.  Worried he would be upset I sold the house, sold his projector, sold his van….

My heart breaks for my boys.  It’s just not fair to them either.  Myles was only 15 months old when Dan passed away.  He told me in the car a few weeks ago that he can’t remember the sound of his voice.  He caught me totally off guard….forgot in a second where I was heading, thinking “How do I answer this”.  It was the next day I started looking for videos.  We have old videos probably from before we were married and then the iPhone came out and we stopped using the camcorder.  Surprisingly, there were hardly any videos I could show Myles to listen to his voice.  I found one video, perhaps my favorite of all.  It is only a minute and 15 seconds long, but it’s those few minutes I can relive the sound of his voice, see him interacting with Myles, and I can smile and cry at the same time.  One minute and 15 seconds….didn’t know it could hold so many emotions all at once.

I suggest take more pictures, more video and save them all.  Someone will want to look back at them one day.  Those little snippets of the past, could mean the world to you in the future.


3 thoughts on “#6 Stuck on Replay

  1. While I did not lose him to death; my son effectively lost his biological father when we separated. His memories of him are mostly based on things I have told him about that time (what color the car was) or things he has filled in on his own (where he works). While he is being raised by a wonderful man, I know the day will come when there are questions and I honestly have no idea what I’ll do. I have some pictures and there may be video somewhere. My heart is with you as you go through this!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My heart breaks for you as I read your story, because it hits close to home; I have 2 boys, too. I cannot imagine being without my husband, and it causes me to pause and say a prayer for you, not out of pity, mind you, but out of the thought, “this could be me.” So, I’m thankful I found your blog today. I’ve enjoyed reading the “fun antics” you have with your boys and the similarities you and I have about legos. 😀 Thanks for sharing your story, and maybe you’d like to drop over at the gristmill sometime and read ours. You will be in my prayers. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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