Do you ever feel like you are constantly reliving a situation over and over in your head…no matter what the situation may be. It’s like listening to an old cassette tape (remember those). Click, Play, Click, Pause, Click, Play….that’s how I feel some days. It has taken me a while to feel that losing my husband was something that really happened. I used to keep track of what changes I have made since he was gone so when he came back, I could let him know exactly where or how everything is now. Worried he would be upset I sold the house, sold his projector, sold his van….
My heart breaks for my boys. It’s just not fair to them either. Myles was only 15 months old when Dan passed away. He told me in the car a few weeks ago that he can’t remember the sound of his voice. He caught me totally off guard….forgot in a second where I was heading, thinking “How do I answer this”. It was the next day I started looking for videos. We have old videos probably from before we were married and then the iPhone came out and we stopped using the camcorder. Surprisingly, there were hardly any videos I could show Myles to listen to his voice. I found one video, perhaps my favorite of all. It is only a minute and 15 seconds long, but it’s those few minutes I can relive the sound of his voice, see him interacting with Myles, and I can smile and cry at the same time. One minute and 15 seconds….didn’t know it could hold so many emotions all at once.
I suggest take more pictures, more video and save them all. Someone will want to look back at them one day. Those little snippets of the past, could mean the world to you in the future.