On the Eve of St. Patrick’s Day, the kids are bouncing with excitement that the Leprechaun will be making a visit to our house, while they are asleep, to cause mischief. Trust me when I say this……this was NOT my idea. Some teacher of D’s told him this story and now I have had to follow through each year. So here I was after work, searching through a CVS looking for Lucky Charms, St Patrick’s Day anything, and gold chocolate coins. When D got home from school, he must have spent an hour creating a “Leprechaun Trap” to catch him in the act! This little a**hole is not causing chaos in my house….it’s currently in a decently clean state. And why D printed a picture of his brothers face on the trap…is still a mystery to me.
I have a love hate relationship with holidays…any of them. The magic that I see in my kids eyes make it all worth it. If I did not have them, honestly I would not celebrate probably more than half that I do now. It has been very hard to get excited about any holiday anymore. It is painfully obvious when the whole family gets together, that I am there…alone.
The first Christmas we spent in our new home, it felt so strange setting up the gifts all by myself, taking a bite out of the cookie, making sure Santa drank his milk, and the reindeer got their special food we made them. I also found some money left under Santa’s plate from D….”just in case”. I know Dan would have gotten a kick out of that one!! Waking up Christmas morning, was soooo extremely exciting for the kids! As any kid, they couldn’t contain themselves and the size of their eyes grew when they saw the tree with all of the presents. “It was worth it” I said to myself when only a few hours earlier I was finishing wrapping what seemed like a million presents and filling the stockings, cursing the whole way through. When I finished and saw all the presents by the tree and lit so beautifully….I missed him…bad.
Parts of me get mad he’s not here. How could you miss all these birthdays, holidays, school accomplishments, parent teacher conferences (those are up there with hurting the most actually). I won’t know the answer….ever. But please keep the signs coming…they mean more than you know!
Have a Happy St. Patrick’s Day!