So now, at the age of 37 (almost 5 years since my husband, Dan, has passed away), there have been many things that have changed in my life. I have bought my own house and I am learning how to be a homeowner again in a million different ways than before (i.e. YouTube is my go to if Dad is not visiting). Both of my boys, now 9 and 6, have started school and I have had to learn how to juggle the mornings, afternoons, and bedtime (again…YouTube and Google are great resources!). I also went back to school, a few times within these 4 years, but I am trying with all my might. I am the provider for the house and want to set an example for my children. I could go on and on, but I’m pretty sure you get the point.
This year has been particularly hard compared to the other years. I am not sure if it was because I was in a fog, in auto-drive, or still in disbelief. Now perhaps that I feel more settled, things are sinking in and the boys are missing that part of a father in their life, and it’s just REAL now. I work hard…..very hard to keep things together. We have routines for our routines. I go to therapy to keep me grounded. I try to have fun for the kids, but most importantly I’m trying for myself. There are so many times I don’t want to go out with friends, but I am grateful for them always trying and persuading me to attend functions.
Another thing…FRIENDS! I cherish them now more than ever. I want to be as good of a friend as they have always been for me, especially during these past few years. I am always striving to be a better friend. I miss the days of school, talking on the phone for hours or sleepovers…having that constant friend connection. Now everyone is married or has kids and it slips away a little bit because of the normal hustle and bustle we all have. I can definitely tell you though, no matter how long it has been since I have seen or talked to one of my friends, we always fall back into place. My goal is to close the gaps for how long we go without talking. Remember Sex and the City? I was always jealous of how often they got to just sit around and chit-chat….trying to get that back a little bit!
Family has also been a huge part of starting over, so to speak. I do not take anything for granted and always try my best to attend every family function. I have a HUGE family and I love them all dearly! My Grandmother who has also passed, is/was such a great role model for me and I see the same thing happening with my children and their Grandmothers. I wish I could go back in time and talk with her more and just appreciate the little things. You never know in this world and I want to have time with everyone and enjoy it.
I will probably always throw a few of my “starting over” tidbits in each blog since I believe this will be an on-going process (and I have barely made a chip in discussing the last 4 years!). But don’t worry, I will soon be discussing various other topics that hopefully you will all enjoy, share, get involved, and smile during these blogs.